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May 29, 2020  
FORUMS: Read-Only

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Topic Title: sad and disheartened
Created On: 05/21/2005 10:40 AM
 
 09/02/2008 06:47 PM

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sdcacowgirl

I know exactly how you feel. I had limb sparing surgery on my L leg from bone cancer. It has ruined everything. AT least I didn't have the whole thing amputated or didn't die from the cancer. I was varsity swim, soccer, track and was training to be a grand prix horse rider. I don't get to do much of anything anymore but everything happens for a reason. Things will get better and you'll find something else that you are passionate about.
 02/19/2008 04:56 PM

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mkept

James, Can totally understand your fear and anxiety.
Wishing you well.
 02/19/2008 09:09 AM

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kerrytr

James
I didn't destroy my humerus but I do have some irrepairable damage to my shoulder and I've experienced many of the emotions you describe.

I'm 45 y.o. female - active, swimmer, skiier, etc. - I had my 6th surgery in October and that's when I learned that the tear I have could not be repaired except with something called a "salvage procedure" (basically something they do when I have absolutely no use of my shoulder).

First I would say forget about your Dr's feelings in this whole thing - it's not about him. You need to be ready to deal with the rehab - not him! Second, remember that there are many people who don't find/post on this site because they have good results with their surgeries. I think we all start searching for a site such as this when things go wrong so this is definately a skewed population.
Third, for me at least, i can't think long term with my shoulder - I find it's helpful to stay very much in the present - "for today, I can live with my shoulder." Finally, from a post op pain standpoint - I think you do get a little used to the pain. I'll never forget after my first shoulder surgery, I woke up the next moring and said "OMG - I made the biggest mistake of my life" - but after this last surgery, I was off pain meds within 48 hours. My OS said "wow you have a high pain tolerance" - I said "at least for my right shoulder i guess I do..."

Hang in there and good luck. I think when "it's time" to do the hemi, you'll know and that's when you'll be able to wrap your head around it.
 02/18/2008 07:36 PM

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Circular123

I'm an outgoing hyper 45 year old man. I boat, fish, race ATV's.
4 years ago a 3 wheeler fell on me breaking my left leg and popping my left humerous out of socket.
I spent a week in hospital. They wanted to try and save my arm and they did (temperarily). They pieced my bone in my humerous back together using 8 screws and a piece of high grade alloy metal.

My recover from this accident was more troubling then the accident itself. I had a very hard time with depression. I knew I would never have my arm the way I need it to be again.
I worked on it and worked on it and finally over came my depression and learned to live with my shoulder all messed up with metal.

After 3 years I went for my (what was suppose to be ) last meeting with my ortho surgeron. He xrayed me and found that part of the bone has died and he wants me to do a hemi.

This freaked me right out and out me back into depression. It seems like I just over the accident and trauma and now I have to have a hemi.
God help me I thought.

I was scheduled for last Feb the 23rd 2007 to have my operation but I bailed out. Doctor told me the only thing he can promise is I will not have any pain. Well what I currently have I can in fact live with.
To make a long story short, I asked myself this simple question... Can I live the way I'am at this moment for the rest of my life? The answer was yes I can. Till I have the pain the doctor is telling I will have I will not have the operation. It just doesn't make sense. I don't people undertand what it is really like to get an arm moving again after serious trauma.
Rehad on my shoulder with the metal and scews was a horrible experience engraved into my mind.

My doctor I think can't undertand why I cancelled. He thinks I don't think he can do the job. This is not the case. The case is getting your head wrapped around having a replacement.

Maybe in 6 months I will be in so much pain I can't take it. Then I will look at booking the surgery again.

I wish I could find someone who has destroyed their humerous from trauma. My situation does not have alot of people who have experienced it.

I live in fear of what will come daily. So I understand the emotional conflicts and damage this stuff can have on a person.

The more I read on this website the more I realize I was right in not having the operation right now.
So many horror stories and so many people suffering and with multiple surgeries.
The fear of infection, replacement etc etc is just too much for me at this time.

Good luck to all who suffer.
Cheers
James
 05/21/2005 10:40 AM

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jrdq

I had a total knee replacement about 5 months ago. Not much has gone well in my life for the last couple years either. I have taken meds for depression for 22yrs. I could be you may need some med for a short time, esp. if you have been on pain meds, narcotic type for some time. They deplete dopamine in your brain and it can take months to fix that again. Wellbutrin can help with dopamine, there are other meds that might help also. It can really help at times, maybe consider asking your doctor. I know people tell you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. But I am also a mental health nurse and know at times you need some help to even do that. good luck. the knee replacement has worked well, just make sure you get a good doctor.
 05/21/2005 10:40 AM

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Wyn19606

I've just read your post, and must say how sorry I am that you feel so low because of your injury and your inability to play soccer at the moment. I personally don't believe in God, but do believe in positive thinking. I'm now in my early 50's and have been a top class rugby player in my time (both amateur and professional). Having a cartilage removed from my knee when I was 23 eventually led to my having to retire at 28 years of age because of osteoathritis - I simply couldn't sprint anymore. How did I feel - resentful!! What I did instead was take up long distance running, and even started a running club. I'm certainly not an ideal build for this sort of exercise, but it enabled me to get over my frustration at giving up my rugby career. I ended up running 100's of races including 13 marathons, and can honestly say that in the end this purely personal challenge was far more satisfying than anything achieved on the rugby pitch. I am sure that you will overcome this set-back, and either find a surgeon who can fix your problem, or you will adapt and get involved with another physical activity. You never know, it might turn out to be as or even more rewarding than your soccer career!! Whatever the future holds, take a positive look at your life, forget about blaming God or anyone else and get on with it. Incidentally, my knee has now given up completely, and I am waiting for a knee replacement - guess what? - I can't run anymore!!!!! BUT -I WILL be back on my bike at some stage, and am currently getting better and better at swimming which was an activity I used to hate with a passion. Good luck Wyn
 05/21/2005 10:40 AM

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AngelicNikki

Thanks for the inspirational words! It means a lot to me! I know that God would not set out to harm me or cause me any unnecessary grief, but I just can't help thinking that way sometimes! Thanks again!
 05/21/2005 10:40 AM

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Matthewgi

I am very very sorry to hear about your current situation. I truly feel for you. This is the first time since I have been viewing this forum that I have heard anybody even mention GOD. It’s quite a refreshing change. I personally don’t think God would set out to frustrate you (although I understand you are frustrated because you can’t play soccer). God is supposed to be loving, right. If that is true, then let us just say that this terrible thing has happened to you, BUT, it gives HIM the opportunity to help you and to show you how loving and powerful HE is, and that He is concerned about every detail of your life. “Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you…”. He gave you that built-in skill and even the love for soccer. He gave you. So He will help you fix it. “Commit your way unto the LORD and HE will direct your path…”. And that could include directing you to the right doctor. “Your gift shall make room for you before kings…”. Hope this helps. Please don’t give up. Don’t lose hope. Matthew
 05/21/2005 10:40 AM

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AngelicNikki

The love of my life: soccer... Yes, I love my family! I love my dog! And I love my boyfriend of (almost) four years... But the love of my life is soccer. I played from the day I could walk! My older brother played and I played right along with him! I always said I wanted to get a full ride to play soccer in college! I played on a team since age 4 and played at a premier level club from age 9. I was honored at the state and regional level and played in many international tournaments. Not to boast, but I was not just "good for our little town" - I had a good amount of natural talent! And the rest I worked for! I practiced for 6-10 hrs a week with my team and at least an hour every night (regardless of whether I had had team practice). I played on a boys' U-16 soccer team when I was only 13... I was better than most of the guys... Unfortunately that was the problem! One guy on the other team was very upset about this and took me out - leading me to tear my ACL and start a world full of problems! This was right before 8th grade. By 9th grade I recovered and played for my club and high school teams. I started varsity as a freshman and earned conference honors. In 10th grade, I started to have some pain again and it got worse in 11th grade. By 12th grade, I just couldn't play! I thought after another surgery things would get better... They haven't! I 'm now 19 and it has been only about 6 months since I haven't played, but I just can't take it! If I see someone wearing a soccer shirt, kicking a ball (or just kicking anything!), or hear someone talk about playing, I feel like breaking down and crying! I thought the feelings would subside eventually but it is only getting worse! I feel like a major part of me has been ripped out of my heart! All my dreams (of a full ride, playing professionally) have been cut off! I showed a lot of promise and had a ton of coaches after me in my junior year and even still some in my senior year (ones that felt I could come back from the injury). It's all lost... I can barely walk, can't do stairs, and certainly can't play! I am only allowed to swim and lift upper body. I just have a hard time seeing why this has happened to me. I ask God all the time why he has done this to me and how I am supposed to use this to serve him... I haven't seen an answer yet... I have a hard time being motivated about anything anymore. It all seems worthless and mundane. I JUST WANT TO PLAY! I know there's no hope but it doesn't stop me from wishing, from questioning...
     
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